Joke Too Stupid To Own a Computer – Extreme Laughter Guaranteed

January 29, 2014 by Tiko14 1 Comment

Allegedly this is the transcript of a recorded conversation between a caller and a computer helpline. It’s a few years old now, but still amusing.

Tech Support:   May I help you?
Customer:   Yes, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.

Tech Support:   What sort of trouble?
Customer:   Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
 
Tech Support:   Went away?
Customer:   They disappeared.
 
Tech Support:   Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Customer:    Nothing.
 
Tech Support:   Nothing?
Customer:   It’s blank. It won’t accept anything when I type.
 
Tech Support:   Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Customer:   How do I tell?
 
Tech Support:   Can you see the C prompt on the screen?
Customer:   What’s a sea prompt?
 
Tech Support:   Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
Customer:   There isn’t any cursor. I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.
 
Tech Support:   Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Customer:   What’s a monitor?
 
Tech Support:   It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?
Customer:   I don’t know.
 
Tech Support:   Well, look round the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Customer:   …yes, I think so.
 
Tech Support:   Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Customer:   …yes, it is.
 
Tech Support:   When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back, not just one?
Customer:    No.
 
Tech Support:   Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Customer:   …OK, here it is.
 
Tech Support:   Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Customer:   I can’t reach.
 
Tech Support:   Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
Customer:    No.
 
Tech Support:  Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Customer:   Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle, it’s because it’s dark.
 
Tech Support:   Dark?
Customer:    Yes. The office lights are off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
 
Tech Support:   Well, turn the office lights on then.
Customer:   I can’t.
 
Tech Support:   No? Why not?
Customer:    Because there’s a power outage.
 
Tech Support:   A power… a power outage? Aha! OK, we’ve got you licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
Customer:   Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
 
Tech Support:   Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store that you bought it from.
Customer:   Really? Is it that bad?
 
Tech Support:   Yes, I’m afraid it is.
Customer:   Well, alright then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
 
Tech Support:   Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.